As I, Lula of Man, have always been a real fighter* I will forsooth*1 not tolerate the destructive manner of this evil man named Barrow*2 Constantine or Barrow the Evil or simply Constantine who recently posed as “King of Mankind”. Peter of Man – my brother – was really desperate because his beloved Emmanuelle has for a short time been promised to this new would-be king. The problem was that it has happened not only due to the fact that Emmanuelle’s father Ludovic Brouette, Duke of Burgundy, was keen on enlarging his empire and extending his property with the fortunes given to him by Barrow the Evil – but also that Constantine had good connections to the evil wizard Demondrag the Devilish*3. Since long ago, the magician has been the worst enemy of the Mans and he therefore really was swift to ruin the whole family which is indeed dependent on the satisfaction and to be more precise the exhilaration of each family member as a result of dire incidents happening in the past*4. Because of this it was crucial to attain that Ludovic Brouette would not give away his beautiful daughter to Barrow the Evil but to my brother Pete. And this daring deed*5 only was to be reached by my art. So it was time for me to spring into action and stop all this – by simply not letting it happen. After meditating on a genius plan for weeks I finally began to implement my thoughts. I grabbed my sword that was made out of plastic, jumped on my horse which was actually a hobby-horse and went to meet the “king”. Afore I had disguised myself a bit and thus announced myself as Nana Whatsoever just knowing that Constantine was a sucker for*6 old birds*7. As soon as I stood face to face with my enemy I pretended to give to him a D.I.M.*8-huckleberry-drink that later on emerged as a so-called Doting Love*9 Potion mixed beforehand by my very good friend Gandi, son of Gandalfus the No-Need-Of-A-Second-Name. After having drunk the “liquor” Constantine instantly fell in love with me. My plan therefore took effect*10 and everything surely was back to normal soon again because as Gandi had promised me the Dark Magic of Demondrag could not help with real love that was incited by the potion either. All I had to do then was to flee from him who was ever since*11 called Barrow the MadOrSilly and ensure that I would never see him again.

Alright so – this is why there never came off a convention between Ludovic and Barrow, why there was between 20022 and 20532 a king lording over England that was not able to do anything else than talking about his lost love and why there only was signed a marriage contract between Emmanuelle and Pete who had never taken into account my strength in building pipedreams.

And the moral of the story is that it is rather stupid to help your brother like this because you always have to make sure that the annoying bastard [in this case he bears the name Constantine] is far – and with far I mean really far – away from you because elsewise he first makes you get bored, then sleepy*12 and in the end even angry because he would not let you hit the sack. So thanks to DL-Potion & Gandi the Fool.

 

 

*      combatant
*1      wahrlich, führwahr
*2      Schubkarre
*3      or: Demondrag the Nasty; or: Demondrag the Vicious
*4      Everyone in this family would instantly die if there would be

       such an incident again.
*5      waghalsige Tat [or: heroic act]
*6      eine Schwäche für etw. haben [= to have a soft spot for so./sth.]
*7      Oma (= nana)
*8       = did it myself
*9      Affenliebe
*10    wirken
*11    seitdem
*12    oscitant